So my last post was very positive. I really needed this writing outlet to get out my thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, the surgery did not go well.
During the surgery they found her tumor had grown into the main vein. This means that cancer cells have already spread through her body and will eventually claim another organ. This news was absolutely devastating and I do not want to re-live those moments by writing about it. It's just too much.
Since then we have been doing our best to be supportive. She & her husband decided to try a new intense chemo to shrink the tumor. We just got the news that it's working! Shrinking the tumor is buying her time - time to get her family and other things in order. I know this is not a cure but I am focusing on this now, focusing on the positive. Although I know the end is inevitable, I just can't deal with that now. So I go on with my life, happy that my sister is still here and is still fighting. I can't go on any other way.
Life has been busy on top of all that. I am still YW President and I love it. I love my girls and I love seeing them grow and mature. I love my counselors and secretary. They are wonderful women who love the girls as much as I do. It is a very busy calling and I'm trying my best to juggle it all. Work has been so hectic these past few months. I thought I was going to be laid off but instead I took over the lead on filming our European spot for the KCA's. It was exhilarating as always but it was many long days and nights and it took a tole on my family.
People are always surprised that I am looking forward to when I get laid off. I hope it's soon. I know that is what's best for my family. So I sit and wait for the day the call me in to let me go. I had heard it was going to be the end of Q1 and here we are at that time. So I hope it's soon. I want to be home with my family and take a breather. As much as I love my job and absolutely love what I do, I love my family more.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Arrived at the hospital & walked the same path to see my sister for all those months this summer. Everything was familiar to me & I knew my way well.
"Well Here we go again - I feel like I was just here." Kim said last night at dinner. We all laughed trying to make light of it, but you could hear the subtle nervous under tones.
They took her back early this time. We only got to spend 1/2 hour with her. When they called her, we all stood up to say our good-byes, it was different then last time. Last time there was still a lot of hope between us. Things were still unknown. Now we know. This is it. If the cancer has spread she's likely not to survive the year.
So there was more tears this time, more private whispers in her ear, more fear in our eyes and longer hugs. Last time she was brave and barely teared up. This time she wept openly. Herbert could hardly walk as the nurse led them through the doors. We all remained silent & tried to smile encourageingly through our tears.
When the door closed we all sat down in unison. No one spoke as we each cried a little more & watched Keri comfort Kanani. In someways the silence was needed so we all could compose ourselves. In other ways it too intense and I almost couldn't bear it.
I decided not to sit & wait. I went to work but my mind & heart are there. She's in surgery now. They are checking to see if her cancer has spread.
I hope when I get there she is still in. Long surgery = good. Short surgery = bad.
Today I hope its a long day.
"Well Here we go again - I feel like I was just here." Kim said last night at dinner. We all laughed trying to make light of it, but you could hear the subtle nervous under tones.
They took her back early this time. We only got to spend 1/2 hour with her. When they called her, we all stood up to say our good-byes, it was different then last time. Last time there was still a lot of hope between us. Things were still unknown. Now we know. This is it. If the cancer has spread she's likely not to survive the year.
So there was more tears this time, more private whispers in her ear, more fear in our eyes and longer hugs. Last time she was brave and barely teared up. This time she wept openly. Herbert could hardly walk as the nurse led them through the doors. We all remained silent & tried to smile encourageingly through our tears.
When the door closed we all sat down in unison. No one spoke as we each cried a little more & watched Keri comfort Kanani. In someways the silence was needed so we all could compose ourselves. In other ways it too intense and I almost couldn't bear it.
I decided not to sit & wait. I went to work but my mind & heart are there. She's in surgery now. They are checking to see if her cancer has spread.
I hope when I get there she is still in. Long surgery = good. Short surgery = bad.
Today I hope its a long day.
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The surgery
Tomorrow is Kim's surgery. I am so worried about her. I don't want to do anything but sit here. My brother in law is completely devastated. He tried so hard today to be social & let us have our sister time but he never took his eyes off her. I have gained a new respect for him. He's always been a good husband to my sister but since she got sick he does everything for her. He is completely focused on her, in tune with her needs and totally unselfish.
My sister has fought this battle with such dignity & grace. She tries hard not to let him know she's in pain or not feeling well so as not to worry him. She does so much for others even though I'm sure she is tired.
I am sad to say that I don't I would handle it as courageously as she has. She has taught me so much by her example.
I pray she will make it through the surgery. I pray to have more time with her here on earth. I love her so much. I'm not ready to let her go yet.
My sister has fought this battle with such dignity & grace. She tries hard not to let him know she's in pain or not feeling well so as not to worry him. She does so much for others even though I'm sure she is tired.
I am sad to say that I don't I would handle it as courageously as she has. She has taught me so much by her example.
I pray she will make it through the surgery. I pray to have more time with her here on earth. I love her so much. I'm not ready to let her go yet.
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